I am about to get real personal here. I know this decision is for Jim and I to make. It's ours alone, we have to bear it. But I have 24 hours to make a life and death decision for my daughter, so along with heavy Praying, I am reaching out to YOU. I will read all comments, and do with them what I need to do. So please respond, even if that means emailing me privately. ( FiveStarsForSarah@live.com).
Kira is going back into surgery tomorrow morning to have both of her titanium rods removed, due to an infection in her back from the last surgery ( 1 month ago.) This makes 3 surgeries in 3.5 months. Jim does not want to put the rods back in. He says we made the wrong choice, and we put her through all of this pain for our own selfish reason, which was to keep her longer. I agree with him. We did do it to keep her longer. Without the surgery, her spine would have continued to squish her lung, which would eventually take her life. It would not be "painful" for her to pass like that. Her oxygen levels would slowly be less and less until her body just cannot get enough oxygen to keep her stabilized and she would become hypoxic and go to "sleep". The surgeries however are painful. I knew this is what I had to put on my imaginary scale before the initial surgery, and see which one I am going to go with. Do the surgeries, cause her pain during recovery periods and keep her longer, or do not do them, and let "nature" take it's course and lose my girl earlier than I want. I NEVER want. What I want is for her to be comfy and feel all of her lovins until she is an old disabled lady.
If we choose to stop, stop all of the surgeries, not put the rods back in, and just close her back up for good, I need to know before we go in tomorrow morning. If we stop, then the antibiotic cement will not go inside of her. He will just take everything out, and suture her up.
If we choose to continue, then he will put the cement in her and she will go back in 3 months to have the "big" surgery all over again.
My very dear friend Shannon is Praying hard for me to get a sign. I believe. I need that sign, because time is a'tickin and i'm lost.